I am about to do something revolutionary in my own life. I am going to officially post something about me and my Ex. Let me explain why this is such a big deal...
I met Andrew at Eastern Oregon University. We lived in the same dorms, and had some of the same friends. We very quickly became great friends. It was college and we were young, flirty, horney people. We had both recently broken up with our partners. We went on a friendly road trip and ended up kissing. It didn't take too many days before the kissing lead to more. We remained very good friends, and started calling ourselves a couple. Eventually some dorm drama cause us to move out into an apartment. We kinda started our lives together at that moment.
While working and going to school, we grew up a bit. After not too long my grandma died. I was depressed and decided not to stay in school. I was going to be moving away from town. I told Andrew he didn't have to go with me, but he made the choice to stick together. So we both got jobs and worked hard and lived our lives. We got engaged and things went on. We were best friends. We spent everyday together and loved every moment of it. We were young and stupid too. Turns out marrying your best friend doesn't work in all contexts.
I married with my head more that my heart, He is an attractive, emotionally strong and honest man. He is a great father. Smart, full of adventure, loyal and loving, Andrew is a very good catch. Other girls were actually jealous of me having Andrew. I had never made other girls jealous. I knew I had a great man at my side. I didn't want to let him go. It is important to note here that I did and do love him very very much. But love is not everything in a relationship.
As time passed Andrew and I drifted apart sexually. We stayed close, the rest just wasn't there. I have become aware over time that it was more me than him. I feel like I need to acknowledge that. I drifted away from him. When we kissed it felt like I was kissing my brother. So naturally, kissing was the first thing to go. At some point we decided to have sex, after a few drinks, and we were lazy with birth control. We got pregnant. Once we knew we were pregnant we talked about it and decided why not spend our lives together. We are happy living together. So we got married. Along came baby. Life was fine. We were mommy and daddy, the new titles suit us well. It took a long time before we remembered there were issues between us. We had plenty of reasons for not being sexual... breastfeeding, tired, baby in the room, etc.
Time passed and our little one had grown up a bit. We started to feel the sting of an incomplete relationship again. I must admit once again the sting was felt more by me than Andrew. So we did what any reasonable couple would do... we tried to replicate the thing that brought us together for the previous 3 years haha... we had another baby.
It didn't work this time. Shortly after our second baby came we moved away from the tricities. I had got promoted at work and needed to live in Yakima. When we were there our lives were put on hold. Andrew was a stay at home dad and I turned into a major work-a-holic. We began to discuss changing our lives. Why were we so unhappy? What were we missing? After a lot of difficult honest talks we realized we love each other very deeply, but that our relationship was not working. We also realized we hated Yakima and needed to move.
So we moved to Vancouver. When we moved we got a place that has 3 bedrooms. For the last 2 years Andrew has had his own room. We still talk. We still do stuff as a family. We still love each other very much. But we consider ourselves separated. I have pursued other men, and Andrew has pursued other women. We live our lives together yet separate. We are best friends. We are still married. It is easier to be married and to live together. The cost of maintaining two households is ridiculous and not necessary at this point.
Sometimes we have talked as though we will stay together. Sometimes we talk as though we are already divorced. It is confusing, difficult, and I wouldn't trade it in for anything. Our kids are happy, loved, secure, content. They know mom and dad are there for them. It is nice to all be under the same roof.
This is my first post about this issue ever (even though it has been 2 years since we separated) because Andrews family are not all as forgiving as we would like. It is understandable for sure, but we know that once we say we are separated to them there will be major drama. Drama that can not be undone. So we keep it to ourselves. Our friends know, my family knows, even people I work with know.
The hardest part is when I talk about Andrew to other people I don't know what to call him. To say oh my husband.... gives mixed messages. To say my Ex feel weird too because we still live together. Ex seems so final... yet there he is in my daily life, and happily so. I have taken to calling him my Andrew. Mostly because I don't know what to say.
So live goes on. Me and my Andrew and our kids. One happy little family. One day at a time. Who knows what the future will bring? We may end up staying together out of laziness, dating is hard you know. Or perhaps we will find our soul mates and move on to more separate lives. Either way I am certain we will always be friends. I am the luckiest person on Earth.
(This story takes place from 2001-2012)
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