Fear: noun. a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. Synonyms: foreboding, apprehension, dismay, dread, terror, fright, panic, horror, trepidation, qualm. Antonyms: courage, security, calm, intrepidity.
Failure: noun. an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success
Everyone is afraid of failing. It is human nature to be driven towards success. If it were not, our place on Earth would be much different. When it comes to the actual rate of failure we experience in our lives, one of the most important factors is fear. Actually more specifically, how we deal with that fear. A lot of people are their own worst enemy.
Like everyone else, I do not want to fail. Sometimes I am paralyzed by the fear that if I try to accomplish something big, or spectacular I will not be able to succeed. When I was a teenager my motto was something along the lines of "give up before you try". That is a horrid way to live. I was so afraid that I would fail that I would give up just in case.
I have always been an adaptable person. I learn fast, and I generally stand out quick as some one who has potential. What tends to happen is that I become known as a rising star. This can be taken into different contexts. That is what people see happening. Inside I am anxious and doubting. I have a tendency to not believe in myself. Any shadow of evidence supporting any slight possibility of failure and I would quit. My thinking was that if I quit before I failed there would have always been a chance that I could have done it. If I try as hard as I can, put everything I have got into something, and then I fail... That is a deep true failure.
That is how the old me thought.
Over the years I have learned to face that fear and doubt. I worked my way up inside a large company. I had many opportunities to show my strengths, and to grow them. I have also had many chances to fail. In my current job, and in my current life, I have come to see that the only true failure is giving up on yourself. If we decide before we try that we are going to fail... we will be very good at failing!
I have had a few moments in my recent life that have scared me almost enough to run away. I stood fast and allowed myself some grace. It all worked out.
The job I work now allows for a lot of community connection and charity style work. It is a business so there is an expectation for a mutually beneficial partnership, but I have a lot of freedom with in that context. I have decided to use this freedom to start a reading program. The restaurant I work at is going to reward children who live in our area by giving them free treats for the books they read, every 5 books earns you the next tier prize. I have partnered with the local school district and they are going to give out flyers to all the students in 6 schools at each level. Those people will be driven into my store to redeem their prizes. I will also be contributing to the literacy of our next generation. Instead of spending the entire summer playing video games a few kids will read, and intellectually grow! That is very exciting.
I am new to this sort of planning. I have had to do a lot of learning during the planning process. There were several moments that I had to pause and reflect. I became afraid I would fail. I was worried people wouldn't participate. I worried the connections I had made would fall apart. I didn't want to let anyone down, including myself. So I nearly stopped. I almost let enough time pass that the program wouldn't have happened. I stopped myself. I am not that person anymore. I will not be my own worst enemy. I gritted my teeth and pushed on. I reached out to people for help and I did it. I have put together a summer long reading program.
We will be taking donations for a local book bank that will refurbish the books and distribute them to kids in need. We will be hosting library partnership nights to allow the library system to raise money and awareness for propositions coming up. We will host partnerships with the schools in the area to raise money to help support programs that were hurt by budget cuts. Best of all we will positively reward children for spending their time reading. We will be passing on the gift of literacy, and preparing our future leaders for tomorrow!
Also important is my learning on how to coordinate these types of programs. Now I can create and sustain future opportunities.
This is all secondary to the fact that I fought my fear and was able to grow into a stronger individual. By allowing myself some grace I will help many people in the future. My strength will be their strength... THAT is worth fighting for!
(This story took place 2012)
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